As I write I realize that I kind of became stuck on my trip. Living a dream, sometimes a person can talk too much. Life in the real world (today) is very hectic. We have finished painting and have started moving, at least half of our belongings. As we move a little more each day, I realize how big the walls are in my house and the rooms. My grandfather hasn't been to visit, I don't know if it is because it makes him so sad or it is his health. He is really having trouble breathing. A smoker his whole life, I am assuming he has emphysema. I know where this is heading but I rather my method of denial. I am tired of boxing, coming to the realization that I have entirely too much "don't use, don't need" stuff. I am determined to cleanse myself of my belongings.
Work is interesting as ever. We are two weeks away from state testing. As it gets closer, I am reminded of the pressure. Do you people feel this type of pressure in other jobs? The students are some of the strongest students I have ever taught. Realistically I am confident that they are going to do great. However, there is always that self question of what if I forgot to teach them something?
Back to the trip.
I have to regress a bit. In the mist of my lifelong dream, an unusual creature emerged. I have to describe my mother-in-law. Ever since the day I met her, she has been the most wonderful person. I have always been amazed by how blessed I am. I have heard horror stories from friends, colleques, etc. about mothers-in-law. But not mine, she was simply an angel. Kind hearted, sweet, loving, compassionate, wonderful. Welllllll, after arriving in Vietnam, getting in the van, with the family. Oh big note here-the van. This was a van, a four row seat van. Probably, normal capacity of 13 (and I think that is stretching it). When we all began to get into the van (after loading 6 pieces of luggage-the big ones), there were 21 PEOPLE!!!!!! It seemed to defy everything possible. And never a word of complaint.
Back to mother-in-law. After being in the van, maybe 10 minutes, she began to fuss, attack, belittle, my oldest sister-in-law. She had told me on the way to Vietnam that she was not happy because the sil had not made her children write letters to their grandmother. I guess that was a sign of disrespect. So, as we have just arrived in the van, the first time she has seen her family in 30 years, she is FUSSING. I could not understand what she was saying but I was able to pick out words here and there enough to gather she was gripping about the letter writing. My sister-in-law just sat there. Never said a word. She actually smiled at me. I looked at her with astonishment. Still, no response. As if I was getting denied a piece of the let me show everyone how much of a queen I am, she then took a couple of yelling spurts at me. In the 16 years I have known this woman, she has never said a cross word to me, raised her voice, nothing that could be construed as hostile, aggravated, nothing. I remember asking her something, she yelled. Began to fuss. I wanted to die, shrink into the floor or blow up. I have never felt such humiliation.
I believed an alien hade overtaken this precious, sweet, kind, angel of a lady that I had always known. And it was just the beginning.
Now, let's skip ahead to some interesting things.
After being in country for a week, I wanted to visit my friend, my coworker. She was definitely a lifeline. The only person besides my alien mother-in-law who could speak english. And I was hoping she could enlighten me on what had overtaken my mother-in-law. My nephew took me to visit her. Her family lived in Vung Tau, right on the coast. Beautiful homes, I then really realized how poor my family was. There is a huge gap in living standards. While at her family's home, they came in with these creatures. A shrimp like, sort of creature. I call them aliens. I have never seen anything that they look even slightly similar to. They boiled them. My friend had brought crab boil and seasoning from the states and I ATE THEM! Yes, I ate the aliens. And they were good, very good. At home, I am a bit on the very, very, very conservative side when it comes to food. But, when I touched down in Southeast Asia, I think I was overtaken by something else. I tried everything. And I walked away with some new food discoveries. What I would give right now for mang cut (mangosteen), this wonderfully sweet fruit. They can not be shipped to the US. Can go to Canada but not old US of A. A pity I tell you.
Showing posts with label Vietnam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vietnam. Show all posts
Friday, March 2, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
What a Sweet View!
Since my insomnia is in control, I will keep writing.
We began our airplane trip in New Orleans to Houston to Seattle to Taipei to Saigon. My mother-in-law needed a wheelchair, which made the boarding the airplane very easy. We were always the first to get on and the last to get off. The flights were as fun as flights could be. Feeling that power as the plane takes off, the view, the landing. It was an amazing experience, observing everyone, sleeping on the plane, eating the airline food, all of it. I was meant to be a traveler.
After 27 hours, we arrived in Vietnam. I remember first seeing green when I knew we were over the country, it was the most beautiful green I had ever seen. Even thinking back to it now, it seems as if it was a dream. The airport was interesting. Nothing short of pandemonium, so many people, so many packages/luggage. Crazy. My mother-in-law was in a wheelchair, I had our carry on luggage (all of my cameras included), and trying to find 4 massive suitcases (70 pounds each). It was a bit scary. Oh, and when you enter and go through I guess what is customs for Vietnam, they ask for the address where you will be staying. Guess what? I had no IDEA! I had never wrote down an address, and then facing this man in a army uniform, I felt my blood pressure go up and the sweat begin to pour. Pure blessing, they let us go and said my brother-in-law would have to bring something back to them. Whew!
We made it through the airport and all of the lines. Thankfully for the wheelchair, it provided a bit of a rush. Finally, we were walking out of the doors into a wall of people. I can imagine now what celebrities must feel like, except these people were not cheering, just looking. And then out of the blue, our family came. My sisters-in-law first, they ran to my mother-in-law and then came hug me. I recognized them. And then, I began to make this really weird whimpering sound, like I can't believe this is happening sound. A sound of the purest pleasure and excitement. I don't think I knew what else to do. I was experiencing this journey that I had spent sooooo many days fantasizing about, watching tv of other people experiencing it but it was my turn. At that point, I thing true fear gripped me. I then realized that I could not speak, I could not communicate. For a person that loves to talk, that means death. At that point I had to rely on my travel companion. A companion who was not happy (yes, not happy, if a person can imagine such a thing) and probably having a nicotine fit. So, I broke out with my journal and pen and asked a sister-in-law to write their names-a beginning.
We began our airplane trip in New Orleans to Houston to Seattle to Taipei to Saigon. My mother-in-law needed a wheelchair, which made the boarding the airplane very easy. We were always the first to get on and the last to get off. The flights were as fun as flights could be. Feeling that power as the plane takes off, the view, the landing. It was an amazing experience, observing everyone, sleeping on the plane, eating the airline food, all of it. I was meant to be a traveler.
After 27 hours, we arrived in Vietnam. I remember first seeing green when I knew we were over the country, it was the most beautiful green I had ever seen. Even thinking back to it now, it seems as if it was a dream. The airport was interesting. Nothing short of pandemonium, so many people, so many packages/luggage. Crazy. My mother-in-law was in a wheelchair, I had our carry on luggage (all of my cameras included), and trying to find 4 massive suitcases (70 pounds each). It was a bit scary. Oh, and when you enter and go through I guess what is customs for Vietnam, they ask for the address where you will be staying. Guess what? I had no IDEA! I had never wrote down an address, and then facing this man in a army uniform, I felt my blood pressure go up and the sweat begin to pour. Pure blessing, they let us go and said my brother-in-law would have to bring something back to them. Whew!
We made it through the airport and all of the lines. Thankfully for the wheelchair, it provided a bit of a rush. Finally, we were walking out of the doors into a wall of people. I can imagine now what celebrities must feel like, except these people were not cheering, just looking. And then out of the blue, our family came. My sisters-in-law first, they ran to my mother-in-law and then came hug me. I recognized them. And then, I began to make this really weird whimpering sound, like I can't believe this is happening sound. A sound of the purest pleasure and excitement. I don't think I knew what else to do. I was experiencing this journey that I had spent sooooo many days fantasizing about, watching tv of other people experiencing it but it was my turn. At that point, I thing true fear gripped me. I then realized that I could not speak, I could not communicate. For a person that loves to talk, that means death. At that point I had to rely on my travel companion. A companion who was not happy (yes, not happy, if a person can imagine such a thing) and probably having a nicotine fit. So, I broke out with my journal and pen and asked a sister-in-law to write their names-a beginning.
Road in Ba Ria, Vietnam
As I battle my insomnia, I have found that writing feels good. So, I will continue my mind emptying journal of my vacation to the land of everything green. I had my passport, now I could look forward to really going. I began packing, reading, and packing some more. I made a trip and bought huge amounts of candy (I thought the children would really enjoy it), enough cracker snacks for a month (if I ate one a day), towels (surprise, surprise), toilet paper (just a precaution), and medicine. Before I went, my biggest concern was food. My mother-in-law cooks Vietnamese dishes all of the time. However, in the 18 years I have known her, I have only adapted to eating two-pho and spring rolls. I definitely thought I would starve to death. Yes, I know that is a bit close minded but I really had no idea what to expect (was I ever going to be surprised). I packed clothes (to give away)-that was two suitcases.
In retrospect, I realize how much time I spent packing when there were other things I should have been concerned about. One-I did not know how to speak the language and could not understand anything. I knew how to count in Vietnamese and understood the words for "say" and "go". But nothing else. I also did not know anyone's name. I knew my brothers-in-laws' names, but I was mispronouncing that. I should have tried to learn something.
I never thought any where past landing on the ground in Vietnam. I didn't think about what I would do with my days, how I would communicate, getting to know the family, nothing. Just placing my feet on the ground, that would have been enough. I did have one worry-how would my mother-in-law make it through leaving them again and knowing that she would never see them again. Once she left Vietnam, we knew her health would not permit her to return. That thought made me ill, it was very hard to process.
Finally, departure day arrived. Dear husband took me to the airport and daughter came too. I didn't want her to come, I thought it would be too hard to leave her. Son was sleeping, and I kissed him bye. The airport was exciting, just the experience in itself was a journey. Before we left my husband, he told me, " I hope you find what you are looking for." I definitely thought, I hope I do too. Daughter gave me her little blue blanket (it is just a piece of leftover cloth she had gotten from my grandmother when she was very little. She would use it for her baby dolls), and told me to take it just in case I got lonesome. That was hard. I cried. Note-yes, I cry for everything. But I couldn't stop. It was horrible.
Since giving birth to my children, they are what I live for. Sometimes, I second guess myself on just how important they are to me. I know what I think in my head, their well being and happiness is more important to me than anything else in the world. When I left my daughter at the airport, it felt like a 100% confirmation of that feeling. At that moment, I promised myself never to leave her or her brother again. It was just too hard.
In retrospect, I realize how much time I spent packing when there were other things I should have been concerned about. One-I did not know how to speak the language and could not understand anything. I knew how to count in Vietnamese and understood the words for "say" and "go". But nothing else. I also did not know anyone's name. I knew my brothers-in-laws' names, but I was mispronouncing that. I should have tried to learn something.
I never thought any where past landing on the ground in Vietnam. I didn't think about what I would do with my days, how I would communicate, getting to know the family, nothing. Just placing my feet on the ground, that would have been enough. I did have one worry-how would my mother-in-law make it through leaving them again and knowing that she would never see them again. Once she left Vietnam, we knew her health would not permit her to return. That thought made me ill, it was very hard to process.
Finally, departure day arrived. Dear husband took me to the airport and daughter came too. I didn't want her to come, I thought it would be too hard to leave her. Son was sleeping, and I kissed him bye. The airport was exciting, just the experience in itself was a journey. Before we left my husband, he told me, " I hope you find what you are looking for." I definitely thought, I hope I do too. Daughter gave me her little blue blanket (it is just a piece of leftover cloth she had gotten from my grandmother when she was very little. She would use it for her baby dolls), and told me to take it just in case I got lonesome. That was hard. I cried. Note-yes, I cry for everything. But I couldn't stop. It was horrible.
Since giving birth to my children, they are what I live for. Sometimes, I second guess myself on just how important they are to me. I know what I think in my head, their well being and happiness is more important to me than anything else in the world. When I left my daughter at the airport, it felt like a 100% confirmation of that feeling. At that moment, I promised myself never to leave her or her brother again. It was just too hard.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Happy Me
It's been awhile. We are moving ( I have sort of mentioned this before). As we are on vacation for Mardi Gras, we have been consumed by the new, renter's house. Painting, painting, and painting some more. As I paint, which I ironically find quite relaxing, I fantasize about people in the world who never have the opportunity to paint, or are just rich enough to pay people to paint for them. I think they are missing therapy. I actually do enjoy the painting, especially the trimming.
Life has been kind of busy, as usual. I took the children to a parade today, finally. I only realized that I really don't care for all of the hoopla. Daughter really enjoyed it a lot. She is very outgoing, extrovert. Dear son, on the other hand, did not. Through out the whole parade, he sat on my lap holding my thumbs. He reminds me so much of myself when I was young. I find it really surprising. But, they experienced the parade and now they have beads to litter the floor until I through them in the garbage.
My picture, me in Vietnam. I think my family has definitely gotten tired of hearing about it but I am reminded if I don't write about my trip, I will definitely forget some things I never want to forget. When I reflect on my trip, I don't know where to start if I wanted to talk about it. Because my husband is a by product of the war, Amerasian, and was born in Saigon, I have always had the desire to see the country. To see the place of his birth, where his mother and father lived together as a family, where his brothers still are. I had read every bit of literature I could handle, done term papers in high school and in college on Vietnam, and dreamed. The thought of ever actually going seemed impossible. I talked about, I knew people who went, friends and students, but for me to go-just a dream.
Finally, two of my coworkers were going back in the summer of 05. Their family lived in the same province as my brothers-in-law. With them in country, I knew I would have English speaking friends, a comfort. My mother-in-law was in poor health. Her kidneys only getting worse. She had not been back in thirty years. We, as a family, knew that the opportunity for her to visit was getting shorter. If it was going to happen, it had to happen soon. I pleaded my desire to my husband, knowing very well to finance a trip was asking a bit much. Not to mention, who would take care of my children while I went on this trip around the world. I began working a second job at night, cleaning buildings, trying to make extra money for my trip. For the work I was doing, the money was not equivalent. And the only thing I learned was that I was glad to have a degree so I didn't have to do a manuel labor job.
About two weeks before my friend's departure date, my husband surprised me with a check. I cried and cried and cried. I really thought I was hallucinating. My greatest dream, he made come true. My children, my mom agreed to come and stay with my husband and my children for the month I would be gone and take care of them. A sacrifice. My friend took me to New Orleans to buy our tickets. We would be leaving two days after her. Then, my husband and I went to get my passport in New Orleans. I never stopped smiling. I think the people in the passport office even thought I was crazy because I was smiling so much. And then when I told them I was going to Vietnam, they really looked at me funny. That was one of the happiest days of my life.
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Christmas Vacation is Over
Tomorrow is return to work day. No students but lots of teachers. We have been on vacation for 2 1/2 weeks and it has been quiet nice. My darling son has become more attached, if that is at all possible. I have become spoiled to the afternoon nap and my darling daughter has expired at least twenty games on her new computer. Now, we work toward the final push before state testing. It feels as if the weight of the world is on our shoulders until the results come in.Vietnam-the phones still aren't working. The youngest brother, who lives on a mountain-a very beautiful mountain, has a phone that keeps a permanent busy signal. I am worried after the typhoon that hit the area, if they are okay. And we have a new great nephew, and I really want to know his name. Congratulations Tan and Ut on your baby boy! Co Gena chuc khoe nhieu cho gia dinh!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)