Too Much

Too early on the Monday of Thanksgiving vacation (x 20).  Why can't my internal clock just stay asleep a little longer I ask.  It seems cruel and unusual punishment to not sleep late on days when you have the opportunity.

In the last couple of weeks we have found the man's half-sister that was given up for adoption 46 years ago.  It has been the most exhilarating, and scary/terrifying, experience.  The last time I have felt both excitement and nervousness to that level was on my wedding day.  It's kind of hard to describe.

Yet me, in all of my being myself, is still curious, still wondering (about things that are really not my business).  And then asking, when is something too much? Too much excitement? Too much clinginess?  Too much "I think I know you so well"? Do I not have the ability to step back, give room, not seek?  What are you seeking?  Why do you "come on so strong"? I am definitely in awe of people who have a laid back, blase, no rush attitude, who don't need another human to verify them.  I can only aspire.

In the mist of the most wonderful news ever is also the acknowledgement that everything is not a bed of roses, all easy, and wonderful feelings. This is the other side of the effects of life-changing decisions. How do you fill the void that someone is missing when the person with the answers has gone already?  How do you take away the feeling of rejection, no matter the circumstances then and now? And the hurt, pain, and sadness that have been around for a lifetime?  There is no magic eraser but there is definitely a heavy heart here knowing that someone is feeling that, and try as you might, you don't have the ability to fix it. Pray mighty big, that God can heal the hurts and fill the holes is the most my mind can think of.